In The Dark

Trust is a luxury that I personally cannot afford. However it is also a weakness that I have recently been stricken with. Maybe it is me wanting to "make up" for the wrongs I have done. Or maybe it is the side of me that wants to see the beauty in all things. 

Where did THAT come from? I admit I live most of my days in the dark, no not like the lights are all off. More like blinding (myself) from the truth & joy of life. So when do I get that chance to trust someone whole heartedly? 

I dont know, if it is my fear of the unknown that prevents me from giving people a fair chance. Whatever it is, has made me a prisoner to my doubts about trusting another living soul with myself. 

I have always thought that it could be my behavior that supressed my senses and emotions. I have only now realized it is my fear. 

Not too many things I AM afraid of, but letting someone in to a cage that has been locked for so long... Is scary. Funny right, cause when I was in jail, I couldnt wait to get out of the cage. Here I am now wanting to stay ... In The Dark.