I loved skateboarding, baseball, riding my bike, two hand touch. (All time quaterback) it was the only position they would give me. I liked being outside, running around, playing.
Dont get me wrong, I had Barbies & jump ropes. I roller skated & played jacks. I just felt it inside, that I was not average. It was not until recently that I became aware of how good that was.
I listened to heavy metal at one point, & was obsessed with dramatic hairstyles. My clothing was mostly black, torn or shredded. It made NO difference to me that people pointed & made fun of my look. I was ALWAYS me.
When my daughter was old enough to start making her own choice in clothing, I recognized the pattern. Same as myself, I just didnt want to "fit in", because I didnt know who I really was yet.
She would wear odd things & listen to different music. I saw that she, also was not afraid of how others judged her.
Knowing that her father has been 95% absent from her life caused some attitude problems. Maybe even affected her self esteem, but as with my sons, I will live the rest of my life, trying to be the rock for them.
I had a father who was there, but was not there, for me. Emotionally & mentally I think he was checked out. Physically he was there, 100%. So many days I had spent trying to gain his affection, his attention, his SOMETHING. I was naive, young, & did stupid things.
I have a great relationship with him now. We have come to understand one another. His lack of emotions created a strength in me that I would not trade for anything. I care not to be a carbon copy of anyone & everyone else. I choose to remain true to myself, even if Im STILL trying to find me. 
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